[ Yusuke stops when he feels the hand around his wrist, and watches Sanji carefully. There’s something like anger that sparks through him when he hears the question — like his own commitment to this relationship is being questioned and he feels offended as to why.
But he can still remember how much he’d had to argue to get Sanji to even consider giving this, and himself a chance in the first place — and this is a question asked in seriousness, so it should be answered in the same way. ]
Because I want to be. [ It’s serious, but simple. Because as far as Yusuke is concerned, it doesn’t have to be complicated. ] Because I like being with you.
[He would've preferred Yusuke's anger, welcomed it. That's something he knows how to navigate, even if it's by running away from the heat or matching it with his own. What Yusuke offers is neither option, and now presented with the reason he asked for, Sanji keeps his stare angled wherever his boyfriend isn't.
... Hasn't let go of the other's wrist, though. Maybe he can convince himself that counts for something.]
Alright.
[It's not agreement so much as acknowledgment that, hey, Sanji has no right to start bitching. The muscles of his jaw work before he continues]
You should--
[fuckin dump me already.
Ugh.]
Forget that. [His forehead breaks into a sweat, looking another degree of feverish.. and he finally turns to show Yusuke the inside of his left wrist. It's... branded. A bright red that glows.]
So don't kick my ass until I explain everything, alright?
[ Yusuke glances down when he feels Sanji’s wrist rotate in his grasp, and— well—
This wasn’t what he expected. Almost automatically, he reaches out to brush a finger across the brand that stands out starkly against his skin, but stops at the last second, his fingers hovering just over the mark. ]
Will it hurt if I touch it?
[ He doesn’t want to just assume. Remembering everything that happened the other month, he doesn’t feel like he can assume anything. There had been so many less than pleasant surprises there, and this just feels like another to add to the pile. ]
...
[ He wants to ask if this is something he got while he was on that quest, but the answer seems self explanatory. So he just keeps quiet for the most part. ]
[A shrug. Frankly? Sanji could not care less if it did hurt, and he pushes his wrist against Yusuke's fingers to demonstrate. What luck, there's no pain involved, but will feel abnormally warm to the touch, instead.]
It's a curse.
[Time to get the easy, ugly truths out of the way. There's no emotion attached to it, either, and Sanji's eyes close as he works his way through this story.]
I got into Magatus, lost consciousness, woke up in a cave with this shitty thing on me. Pretty sure it's trying to kill me.
[Which he hopes explains the fever, the paleness, that Sanji's only barely keeping himself upright on the couch. If the blanket over his shoulders was covering his head, too, he'd probably burrow backwards in an attempt to hide.]
[ ... A curse. Yusuke brushes his fingers lightly across the mark, feeling that warmth and at the same time hating it once he hears those words. ]
You have no idea how to remove it...?
[ There has to be a way right? The mere phrase - "Pretty sure it's trying to kill me" - is harrowing. He doesn't want that, and just how... calmly Sanji seems to be talking about it is concerning. He almost wants to shake him by the shoulders.
But instead he tugs on the blanket, almost like he's trying to shield him with it. There has to be someone they can talk to about it, right...? Some way to get help. ]
[A fidget. At last, Sanji pulls his hands away from Yusuke entirely.]
See, once I got into the forests, the trees of all things started talking shit. Like your worst secrets or regrets, or... [A shrug, then a wince. He can feel a headache coming on.]
So I'm guessing I gotta confront whatever's on my mind.
... And how are you going to go about that? Because the alternative of dying isn't an option.
[ As in, good hecking luck trying to while Yusuke is here. He'll let Sanji pull his hands away like their suddenly on fire, he can deal with that. As surprisingly stinging as it is. But it almost sounds like Sanji is just recounting unavoidable facts, and that is just... baffling. ]
[Heh... It's moments like this that really highlight the differences between them. He can hear the warning in Yusuke's tone, because the truth is the only option when dying's on the line.
Makes perfect sense. He still doesn't wanna.]
Some of it's got shit to do with you, actually...
[Probably obvious by how Sanji's staring at the floor with enough anxiety to burn a hole through it, and he keeps folding and unfolding his hand together, squeezing them as if to break his joints.]
[ That needs to stop, immediately. Whether Sanji actually wants to hold hands or not, Yusuke will be doing his best to fit his hand inbetween Sanji’s when it he unfolds it. If anything just to stop him from putting painful, repetitive stress on his knuckles like that. ]
Alright. Seeing as it involves me, it makes sense to start with that then.
[ All in. Like pulling off a band aid in one swift, solid motion. He wants to tell Sanji to look at him if they’re going to discuss something about him, but Sanji looks like he might crumble on the spor, or try and flee if he makes any sudden loud noises, whether he feels and looks like death or not. ]
... Ah, right. He... he almost forgot. Maybe that wasn't the source of Yusuke's intentions, but the sudden hand in his coupled with such an abrasive reminder means Sanji will stop his fidgeting, forcing his other hand down against his knee.]
Oi now, you didn't do anything wrong. [Can't stress that fast enough.] It's all me.
[The other benefit of handholding: means Sanji can't walk the fuck off like he very much wishes he could, and he's just tossing out words with abandon now, to get this over with]
Like I said, just a bunch of mind games, but the trees weren't lying. And I know I'm a pain in the ass to deal with, everyone could do a lot better than me--
[MMMmmmmMmmmmmmm]
You already answered, so not gonna beat that dead horse, just... you could, uh... you'd definitely make someone else happy if you got tired...
[ Okay. Okay, heck. Yusuke just kinda leans back a little, into the back of the sofa, but doesn’t release his grip on Sanji’s hand, like he’s even more concerned he might bolt now. First thing is first: ]
No, I’m not interested in breaking up because the flora of Magatus got incredibly good at mental manipulation since we were last there.
[ He turns his head to pin Sanji with a look - there’s a lot of exasperation there, and some anger, but something undeniably fond as well. ]
If I did not think you were worth my time, I would not have given you over six weeks of it freely. [ And that’s one thing that couldn’t be a lie even if he tried: if he’d ever got tired or fed up with Sanji, he would have told him immediately. Honesty and all that. ]
And that's the problem here, isn't it? Sanji knows himself and can see the symptoms: that he's never gonna get anywhere if he keeps insisting he's dirt his partners have to scrape off the floor. They'll get tired of it, rightfully, so, and eventually just leave hi--
... Tch.
He is such a piece of work.]
... So you're happy? [He asks that question instead, fingers flexing against Yusuke's as a question.]
[ He squeezes his hand — lightly, and just once. But hopefully it’s significant. ]
For clarification, I don’t expect to be completely happy all of the time. Expecting that out of any relationship - romantic or platonic -seems incredibly naïve. But overall? Yes, very much so.
[ ... and here’s the important part: ]
Personally, I think that you are too criticial of yourself, and too quick to assume the worst of both yourself and the situation at hand. [ He’d brought this up when they’d discussed dating in the first place — Sanji had been so certain it would just implode on itself before even giving himself, and more frustratingly Yusuke, a chance to see how things would work out otherwise. In assuming the worst in himself, to an extent he’s assuming the worst of others as well. That they won’t be willing to confront him about his bullshit, or work with and around it. There’s a limit to everyone’s tolerance, certainly, but that tolerance is rarely going to start at zero. ]
[A breath of a laugh, nearly silent. He tilts his head so he has a better look at their joined hands, squeezing back.]
Would you believe I don't hear that much?
[Besides Baren, who only on the barest of occasions will remind Sanji to pull his head out of his ass, the man doesn't get close enough to anyone for that kind of honesty. A disaster of his own making and he knows it.]
I'm used to shit exploding around me. [It feels like something he's mentioned before, but maybe never quite like this: weatherworn and downtrodden.]
Don't get me wrong, I know it's no excuse. [But it's why he... always left in the past. He has no excuses to offer, no words of comfort, just an explosion of brimstone. It'd always seemed kinder to run away.]
[ It’s not accusatory, just spoken like a true fact. He’s not pulling away from Sanji - quite the opposite really. He’s still got a hold of his hand. ]
It isn’t as simple as me telling you this, but to me making that assumption every time something goes wrong sounds like you think the worst of yourself, and little of the people around you regarding their ability to weather whatever happens.
[ Big words from someone in their first relationship, but he’s seen other relationships around him and knows enough to be aware they’re not meant to be all good all the time. It’s a lot of work. ]
Kinda hard to answer when there's nothing untrue in those statements.
It's that second part that actually cuts, however, and tightens his shoulders into knots. When you get accustomed to your own weaknesses, that's one thing, but he supposes somewhere down the line he didn't see how terribly that affected his opinion of everyone else.
-- Can't say he gives a shit, either. He doesn't trust people to weather him correctly.
Shit, but applying that same nasty logic to anyone he cares about, to Yusuke...]
Eh. You do better than most people I know at putting up with my shit.
[ It’s not like they can pretend Yusuke didn’t drag Sanji into the idea of even giving him the chance to try a date kicking and screaming. If he wasn’t decent at smashing through Sanji’s bullshit they probably wouldn’t be sat here now. Or would be taking much longer getting here. ]
That’s... good to know. [ And it is. He’s just... treating this how he thinks he should, and hearing it’s working is a relief. ]
But it isn’t “putting up with”. [ There’s the difference. Sanji sees it as Yusuke putting up with a part of him, whereas to Yusuke it’s just... part and parcel of Sanji. He’s cutting and he’s blunt and doesn’t suffer fools lightly, but neither does Yusuke and that bluntness is easier for him to navigate than veiled words and subtle misdirection. ] No one is making me spend time with you. I can keep repeating it like a broken record until it sinks in.
[It's the kind of offhanded comment Sanji didn't realize needed fixing until Yusuke corrects it. Shouldn't be a surprise at this stage, but hell, he can't help but be baffled by how ingrained this shit is. His head bows as if chastised]
No... you don't have to keep saying it. [Lord, he hopes that he's not so much of a mess as to need constant reassurance. Running a hand through his hair, he tries to work the frustration out of himself, one of his legs giving into nervous tapping]
... For the shitty record, I don't wanna... [Raking a hand through his hair again] Uh, end things here.
[Because he's... happy? Content? Something close to it. And he realizes maybe he hasn't made that part clear, that he offers Yusuke the opportunity to leave because it's what he expects... not because he wants it.]
[ If the reasoning behind had been for something more serious, like he was unhappy, or didn't want to continue, Yusuke would listen. But not for... well. "A tree told me to", as the reason. Or perhaps rather, "a tree amplified my insecurities and now I'm going to fall prey to them without a fight" might be more accurate.
He shifts his leg, bumping it against Sanji's. ]
Are we more on the same page now?
[ He's carefully trying to coax Sanji's hand over so he can check his wrist again. Maybe with that it might have... calmed down a little? It didn't seem like this one conversation was going to chip away at everything Magatus had dragged out into the open, but if it's helped, maybe there will have been a change... ]
[Same page? Well, Sanji has come to the conclusion he's a fool and Yusuke is a saint for dealing with his stupidity, but doesn't hurt to have that re-established.
Hell, it's... kinda relieving.
So there's no fight in him when Yusuke pulls his hand, twists it around to see the underside of Sanji's wrist. It's as the other predicted -- the mark hasn't just calmed, it's actively fading, like a scar set on fast forward, losing its color and disappearing into Sanji's skin tone.]
It's a relief to see it vanishing, that's for sure. No one wants one of the first things their boyfriend says to them after being away is that they got a magical mark that was going to kill them. He tugs Sanji's hand up a little, and leans down to press his lips to the space where the mark is almost dissolving away on his skin. ]
Take a look for yourself. [ He taps the clear skin with his finger, before leaning against Sanji's side - a little like someone just deflated him. It had been a necessary conversation, but a tiring one regardless. ]
[Cracking open one eye, Sanji watches Yusuke inspect the area, can tell from his boyfriend's expression that either the mark has lessened or disappeared entirely. His lips quirk to the side when he feels a kiss against his wrist.]
Yeah? [Holding himself firm so that Yusuke can relax against him. It's the least he can do.] Guess I didn't completely mess it up.
[Doesn't feel like a complete victory to him. Though his fever is starting to recede, he's tired and worn thin. Mark his words, he's allergic to honesty. He refuses to do this shit again for at least six months.]
... Hey.
[Even still, he leans over, brushing his lips against Yusuke's temple in quiet affection.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fabrefactions) wrote2017-08-26 12:53 pm
no subject
Hey...
[...]
Why are you still with me?
no subject
But he can still remember how much he’d had to argue to get Sanji to even consider giving this, and himself a chance in the first place — and this is a question asked in seriousness, so it should be answered in the same way. ]
Because I want to be. [ It’s serious, but simple. Because as far as Yusuke is concerned, it doesn’t have to be complicated. ] Because I like being with you.
no subject
... Hasn't let go of the other's wrist, though. Maybe he can convince himself that counts for something.]
Alright.
[It's not agreement so much as acknowledgment that, hey, Sanji has no right to start bitching. The muscles of his jaw work before he continues]
You should--
[fuckin dump me already.
Ugh.]
Forget that. [His forehead breaks into a sweat, looking another degree of feverish.. and he finally turns to show Yusuke the inside of his left wrist. It's... branded. A bright red that glows.]
So don't kick my ass until I explain everything, alright?
no subject
This wasn’t what he expected. Almost automatically, he reaches out to brush a finger across the brand that stands out starkly against his skin, but stops at the last second, his fingers hovering just over the mark. ]
Will it hurt if I touch it?
[ He doesn’t want to just assume. Remembering everything that happened the other month, he doesn’t feel like he can assume anything. There had been so many less than pleasant surprises there, and this just feels like another to add to the pile. ]
...
[ He wants to ask if this is something he got while he was on that quest, but the answer seems self explanatory. So he just keeps quiet for the most part. ]
... Alright.
no subject
It's a curse.
[Time to get the easy, ugly truths out of the way. There's no emotion attached to it, either, and Sanji's eyes close as he works his way through this story.]
I got into Magatus, lost consciousness, woke up in a cave with this shitty thing on me. Pretty sure it's trying to kill me.
[Which he hopes explains the fever, the paleness, that Sanji's only barely keeping himself upright on the couch. If the blanket over his shoulders was covering his head, too, he'd probably burrow backwards in an attempt to hide.]
no subject
You have no idea how to remove it...?
[ There has to be a way right? The mere phrase - "Pretty sure it's trying to kill me" - is harrowing. He doesn't want that, and just how... calmly Sanji seems to be talking about it is concerning. He almost wants to shake him by the shoulders.
But instead he tugs on the blanket, almost like he's trying to shield him with it. There has to be someone they can talk to about it, right...? Some way to get help. ]
no subject
[A fidget. At last, Sanji pulls his hands away from Yusuke entirely.]
See, once I got into the forests, the trees of all things started talking shit. Like your worst secrets or regrets, or... [A shrug, then a wince. He can feel a headache coming on.]
So I'm guessing I gotta confront whatever's on my mind.
no subject
Well.
Immediately, he can see the problem here. ]
... And how are you going to go about that? Because the alternative of dying isn't an option.
[ As in, good hecking luck trying to while Yusuke is here. He'll let Sanji pull his hands away like their suddenly on fire, he can deal with that. As surprisingly stinging as it is. But it almost sounds like Sanji is just recounting unavoidable facts, and that is just... baffling. ]
no subject
Makes perfect sense. He still doesn't wanna.]
Some of it's got shit to do with you, actually...
[Probably obvious by how Sanji's staring at the floor with enough anxiety to burn a hole through it, and he keeps folding and unfolding his hand together, squeezing them as if to break his joints.]
no subject
Alright. Seeing as it involves me, it makes sense to start with that then.
[ All in. Like pulling off a band aid in one swift, solid motion. He wants to tell Sanji to look at him if they’re going to discuss something about him, but Sanji looks like he might crumble on the spor, or try and flee if he makes any sudden loud noises, whether he feels and looks like death or not. ]
What happened that involved me?
no subject
... Ah, right. He... he almost forgot. Maybe that wasn't the source of Yusuke's intentions, but the sudden hand in his coupled with such an abrasive reminder means Sanji will stop his fidgeting, forcing his other hand down against his knee.]
Oi now, you didn't do anything wrong. [Can't stress that fast enough.] It's all me.
[The other benefit of handholding: means Sanji can't walk the fuck off like he very much wishes he could, and he's just tossing out words with abandon now, to get this over with]
Like I said, just a bunch of mind games, but the trees weren't lying. And I know I'm a pain in the ass to deal with, everyone could do a lot better than me--
[MMMmmmmMmmmmmmm]
You already answered, so not gonna beat that dead horse, just... you could, uh... you'd definitely make someone else happy if you got tired...
[Of dating him...]
no subject
... ...
[ Um. ]
Are you trying to imply that you think I should break up with you because a tree suggested it?
[ Give him a minute here, his brain needs to catch up before he can go ahead and get really mad. At Sanji and at the tree. ]
no subject
No--! No, we shouldn't-- I mean, unless you really wanted to, I don't wanna tie you down or--
[Holy shit he needs to stop talking immediately.]
I'm providing context, that's all! Damn trees are really good at selling their bullshit.
[Please don't kill him]
no subject
No, I’m not interested in breaking up because the flora of Magatus got incredibly good at mental manipulation since we were last there.
[ He turns his head to pin Sanji with a look - there’s a lot of exasperation there, and some anger, but something undeniably fond as well. ]
If I did not think you were worth my time, I would not have given you over six weeks of it freely. [ And that’s one thing that couldn’t be a lie even if he tried: if he’d ever got tired or fed up with Sanji, he would have told him immediately. Honesty and all that. ]
no subject
And that's the problem here, isn't it? Sanji knows himself and can see the symptoms: that he's never gonna get anywhere if he keeps insisting he's dirt his partners have to scrape off the floor. They'll get tired of it, rightfully, so, and eventually just leave hi--
... Tch.
He is such a piece of work.]
... So you're happy? [He asks that question instead, fingers flexing against Yusuke's as a question.]
no subject
[ He squeezes his hand — lightly, and just once. But hopefully it’s significant. ]
For clarification, I don’t expect to be completely happy all of the time. Expecting that out of any relationship - romantic or platonic -seems incredibly naïve. But overall? Yes, very much so.
[ ... and here’s the important part: ]
Personally, I think that you are too criticial of yourself, and too quick to assume the worst of both yourself and the situation at hand. [ He’d brought this up when they’d discussed dating in the first place — Sanji had been so certain it would just implode on itself before even giving himself, and more frustratingly Yusuke, a chance to see how things would work out otherwise. In assuming the worst in himself, to an extent he’s assuming the worst of others as well. That they won’t be willing to confront him about his bullshit, or work with and around it. There’s a limit to everyone’s tolerance, certainly, but that tolerance is rarely going to start at zero. ]
no subject
Would you believe I don't hear that much?
[Besides Baren, who only on the barest of occasions will remind Sanji to pull his head out of his ass, the man doesn't get close enough to anyone for that kind of honesty. A disaster of his own making and he knows it.]
I'm used to shit exploding around me. [It feels like something he's mentioned before, but maybe never quite like this: weatherworn and downtrodden.]
Don't get me wrong, I know it's no excuse. [But it's why he... always left in the past. He has no excuses to offer, no words of comfort, just an explosion of brimstone. It'd always seemed kinder to run away.]
no subject
[ It’s not accusatory, just spoken like a true fact. He’s not pulling away from Sanji - quite the opposite really. He’s still got a hold of his hand. ]
It isn’t as simple as me telling you this, but to me making that assumption every time something goes wrong sounds like you think the worst of yourself, and little of the people around you regarding their ability to weather whatever happens.
[ Big words from someone in their first relationship, but he’s seen other relationships around him and knows enough to be aware they’re not meant to be all good all the time. It’s a lot of work. ]
no subject
Kinda hard to answer when there's nothing untrue in those statements.
It's that second part that actually cuts, however, and tightens his shoulders into knots. When you get accustomed to your own weaknesses, that's one thing, but he supposes somewhere down the line he didn't see how terribly that affected his opinion of everyone else.
-- Can't say he gives a shit, either. He doesn't trust people to weather him correctly.
Shit, but applying that same nasty logic to anyone he cares about, to Yusuke...]
Eh. You do better than most people I know at putting up with my shit.
no subject
That’s... good to know. [ And it is. He’s just... treating this how he thinks he should, and hearing it’s working is a relief. ]
But it isn’t “putting up with”. [ There’s the difference. Sanji sees it as Yusuke putting up with a part of him, whereas to Yusuke it’s just... part and parcel of Sanji. He’s cutting and he’s blunt and doesn’t suffer fools lightly, but neither does Yusuke and that bluntness is easier for him to navigate than veiled words and subtle misdirection. ] No one is making me spend time with you. I can keep repeating it like a broken record until it sinks in.
no subject
No... you don't have to keep saying it. [Lord, he hopes that he's not so much of a mess as to need constant reassurance. Running a hand through his hair, he tries to work the frustration out of himself, one of his legs giving into nervous tapping]
... For the shitty record, I don't wanna... [Raking a hand through his hair again] Uh, end things here.
[Because he's... happy? Content? Something close to it. And he realizes maybe he hasn't made that part clear, that he offers Yusuke the opportunity to leave because it's what he expects... not because he wants it.]
no subject
[ If the reasoning behind had been for something more serious, like he was unhappy, or didn't want to continue, Yusuke would listen. But not for... well. "A tree told me to", as the reason. Or perhaps rather, "a tree amplified my insecurities and now I'm going to fall prey to them without a fight" might be more accurate.
He shifts his leg, bumping it against Sanji's. ]
Are we more on the same page now?
[ He's carefully trying to coax Sanji's hand over so he can check his wrist again. Maybe with that it might have... calmed down a little? It didn't seem like this one conversation was going to chip away at everything Magatus had dragged out into the open, but if it's helped, maybe there will have been a change... ]
no subject
Hell, it's... kinda relieving.
So there's no fight in him when Yusuke pulls his hand, twists it around to see the underside of Sanji's wrist. It's as the other predicted -- the mark hasn't just calmed, it's actively fading, like a scar set on fast forward, losing its color and disappearing into Sanji's skin tone.]
What's it look like?
no subject
It's a relief to see it vanishing, that's for sure. No one wants one of the first things their boyfriend says to them after being away is that they got a magical mark that was going to kill them. He tugs Sanji's hand up a little, and leans down to press his lips to the space where the mark is almost dissolving away on his skin. ]
Take a look for yourself. [ He taps the clear skin with his finger, before leaning against Sanji's side - a little like someone just deflated him. It had been a necessary conversation, but a tiring one regardless. ]
It's looking much better.
no subject
Yeah? [Holding himself firm so that Yusuke can relax against him. It's the least he can do.] Guess I didn't completely mess it up.
[Doesn't feel like a complete victory to him. Though his fever is starting to recede, he's tired and worn thin. Mark his words, he's allergic to honesty. He refuses to do this shit again for at least six months.]
... Hey.
[Even still, he leans over, brushing his lips against Yusuke's temple in quiet affection.]
Thanks.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)